.

"Some things are meant to be....

take my hand, take my whole life too.

For I can't help,

falling in love with you. "

This song is playing at Starbucks right now and it makes me so happy. :)

I was thinking about other lines from songs that I have loved over the years...here's a few:

"And I don't want the world to see me,

'cause I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am,"

-Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

"I watch you spin around in your highest heels,

you are the best one, of the best ones

We all look like we feel...

You have stolen my heart

You have stolen my heart."

-Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

"Can you lie next to her,

and give her your heart, your heart

as well as your body....

and can you lie next to her,

and confess your love, your love?

But tell me now, where was my fault

in loving you with my whole heart.

Lead me to the truth, and I will

follow you with my whole heart."

-White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons

"He is jealous for me,

loves like a hurricane

I am a tree,

bending beneath

the weight of his wind and

mercy.

And all of a sudden,

I am aware of these

afflictions eclipsed by

glory, and I realize

just how beautiful you

are and how great your

affections are for me."

-How He Loves by John MacMillan.

"Only love is all maroon

gluey feathers on a flume,

sky is womb

and she's the moon."

-Flume by Bon Iver

<3

To be free.

To be free

is to love without fear

to live without worry

to dance without care

Strength comes after weakness

stripped of delight

hitting the ground

consequences.

When did anyone say

it would be easy?

No one ever did.

But we don't think so.

Sometimes things don't

make sense,

but that my friends,

is the beauty

in the broken.

Inspiration.

"Always tell the truth

Use kind words

Keep your promises

Giggle and Laugh

BE POSITIVE

Love one another

always be grateful

FORGIVENESS is MANDATORY

TRY new things

say PLEASE & THANKYOU

Say your Prayers

SMILE. "

November 8th 2011.

I'm sorry for the times that I've let you down,

the times where I mope around,

don't say a word.

I'm sorry for the moments

where I don't love you

as best as I should.

When I don't show you

how important you are

to me.

I'm sorry when my insecurities affect you,

when I get jealous,

filled with fear,

and let my anxiety get the best of me.

I'm sorry for the moments

when I selfishly set expectations

for the time we spend together,

when I'm not as gracious

as I would like to be.

I'm sorry.

I want to live with no expectations,

live free,

happy

content,

no matter what the day brings.

Thank you for showing me love.

Thank you for sticking by me

in those moments when I fail.

Thank you for being near,

holding me close,

wiping my tears.

Those moments are precious,

and remind me of the love that

never fails.

Car ride.

driving in the car

heat cranked

windows down

contradiction.

music softly playing

speakers broken

harmony missing

nostalgic.

candy in the middle

mug in the holder

water on the floor

predictable.

hand in mine

eyes locked

perfect smiles

peace.

Secret

I believe that every star

is intentionally placed

with grace and perfect design

the fields were not just

haphazardly formed

no one else can move mountains

or cause the oceans to roar

when the sun shines

it shines with brilliance

the moon glows with elegance

and the clouds are perfectly shaped.

when will you see

that this is not just chance

things don't just happen like this

you can't invent the perfect shell

or the tender breeze that comes

after the storm

no one knows the secret

except One.

a proverb.

love me

when i least

deserve it because

that is when

i really need it.

-a swedish proverb

Burning Suns.

The days have gone by so fast,

swirling winds, burning suns

when did I last sit down?

Places whiz in my mind,

how come languages blur together?

it doesn't make sense

i thought it was different.

What's happening in London now

people still walk the streets

they don't even notice

that something is different

those who were there are gone

mind blown.

when will i see

how will it be?

I don't know if things will be the same

or if my thoughts can catch up

i've run so many times

but now i'm here

and that's where i want to be

i'll send a wave to my friends

hoping they know

that they meant something to me once

and i won't forget that.

November 3rd 2011.

You ever have those moments where you completely feel God's presence in your life?

I had one of those moments tonight.

I have been praying for one of my dear, dear friends for a long time to completely experience and know God personally. Tonight, I talked to her on the phone and was blown away by her passion and joy for God and His will for her life. I am SO thankful and amazed by God's goodness, and I never want to forget this night.

God answers prayer, God changes peoples' lives, and I am so glad that He is the God that I serve.

Peace and love my friends.

:)

Joy is like a ribbon.

Little kids trick or treating,

dressed up like princesses and Superman.

Hearing the news of an engagement,

smiling ear to ear, eyes glistening,

love glowing.

Candy in class,

sharing skittles,

feeling the sweetness on your tongue.

Chocolate milk,

creamy liquid,

licking your lips.

Starbucks,

pumpkin spice lattees;

falling leaves,

warm tummies.

Being in love,

glistening eyes,

butterflies,

respecting someone precious,

smiling always.

Joy is present.

November 2nd 2010

I wrote this a year ago in my journal.

"I'm so happy that I started a computer journal again. I miss my old one that is now forever gone and erased on my sister's computer. All my thoughts, and all the time I took to write out those thoughts will forever be gone; never again to be discovered or known. It's strange when life flickers by...thoughts and memories, hurts and pains vanish into thin air and you're left with nothing. When my thoughts and my stories are erased....it's a weird feeling. I feel empty; and like my creativity has been shot into a garbage dumpster never to be discovered or uncovered. And I want to write a novel, but I don't have the time or the motivation to start one afresh and to finish it on my own, I don't know what I want to write about. I'm lost with my own thoughts and I don't have time to figure anything else out.

I'm confused. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to progress forward. I take one step forward and two steps back. I want to do everything. I want to know everyone. I want to experience all of life, but I can't. It's not possible, and I don't want to be overwhelmed with things that I can't do. I want to do things that I can do, and take it one step at a time. Taking things one step at a time is hard for me, because sometimes I just want to RUN full force ahead. But then I remember that I can easily fall. "

Sensitivity.

I'm learning some new things about myself. I can be extremely sensitive to things happening in the world around me. Sometimes I struggle with knowing what's right and what's wrong, and it causes me to be completely fixated on certain issues more than others.

I desperately want to do what's right, and live in a way that is honourable and God pleasing....however, I fail so often, and struggle with knowing where the line is.

My boyfriend reminded me today that we need to be living in a way that honours God and not worry so much about what other people are doing with their lives, but examine how we as individuals are living our lives. Are the things that I do, and the things that I say, honouring to God? Am I watching movies that are uplifting, or ones that cause me to stumble. Are the songs on my ipod saturated with good lyrics?... Or are they degrading and causing me to think sinful thoughts? I need to stop looking at what other people are doing, and start seeing the areas of my life that I need to work on.... speaking of which I think I'm going to get rid of some songs on my Itunes library....

Examine your heart and the things you fill your life with. Always set goals and challenges for yourself at every point in your life...see how you can GROW! :)

Ponder.

Spread Joy.

JOY is the character trait I strive for the most in my life. JOY and Jesus are the same in my mind....and I want to spread that joy to everyone I meet!! :) AHHHHH, life, here we come!! :)

Be awesome instead.

Lately, I have felt like my thoughts have been under attack. My body aches because I can't sleep, eat, or even think because of unnecessary stress and worry. This morning when I woke up at 7, I felt so worn down from stress, that I barely made it to my 8oclock class. Being consumed by stress is probably one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. AHH.

I'm saying all of this in order to fully explain the 180 degree change in my attitude that happened halfway through work at Williams today.

Like people say: there's always a silver lining to every grey cloud.

It all started while I was at work, and this beautiful little girl with down syndrome reached up her arms to the counter and looked at me with the sweetest little smile on her face. I almost cried. There is something so innocent and loving in the eyes of a child. My heart melted just from her look of wanting me to hold her; being wanted by another human being is truly beautiful.

Deciding to change my attitude, I intentionally strived to focus on other people for the rest of my shift and and not myself. It is SOOOO freeing when we take the focus off of ourselves and intentionally seek to make someone else's day. Taking a look at myself and doing some self-reflection, I've realized that lately, I have not been the person I want to be. Stress and inner anxiety makes me less of the person that God created me to be, and I will NOT let the enemy win that inner battle.

Today, and tomorrow, I will not be sad, but will be awesome instead. Awesome because of Jesus' overwhelming JOY which He has given to me once again. :)

I Need to Care.

Hello world. 

I am sitting here in my humid, sticky room thinking about how badly I want to buy a fan. SO, hopefully in the near future, I will drive 5 minutes to Wall-mart and buy one. Someone keep me accountable to that. :P

I don't actually want to blog about fans, or humidity....I just don't really know where exactly to start this post. I guess I'll start with this book I'm reading called " The Ishbane Consiracy." It's been compared to "The Screwtape Letters," by C.S. Lewis, because it deals with the spiritual battle that is constantly going on in the world around us. As I've been reading this book, I have been continually challenged in my own complacency and acceptance of things that I shouldn't really be accepting of. Our culture, in its postmodern state, is constantly encouraged to be accepting of everyone, everywhere, all the time. We should never EVER be judgemental, or have any sense of absolute truth....because...OBVIOUSLY truth is always relative...right?? Wrong. I constantly battle with speaking the truth in love, as we are called to do as Christians, and trying not to be judgemental. Not very many people in our society like to step on peoples' toes, or challenge others on anything that might be wrong. Even by saying something's "wrong", makes people uncomfortable....because what's wrong for me, may not be wrong for someone else. In some ways, that is true. However, as Christians, I feel like there are some things that are "right" and "wrong" but we blur the lines too often and continually lower the bar of our standards to make sure that no one ever feels "too" convicted. To be completely honest, I'm a little frustrated by it all...and confused. 

I'm learning that the most loving thing that I could do for my brothers and sisters is to speak the truth in love....even if it hurts. The worst part about it all is, I suck at that. I am the WORST at confrontation and I avoid it at all costs. BUT....sometimes, I HAVE to say something. I look around me at my friends and those I care about...and see that sometimes no one says ANYTHING, even if the best thing we could all do, is SPEAK up for the truth. God is truth, His word is the truth...if we don't say something, we risk something worse happening to those we love and care about. Honesty has to be our policy, and not just sometimes....all the time. If something that I say offends someone for a moment, but helps them in the long term...that should be good enough for me to follow through and say it in love. :) 

Perspective.

Recently, I have been feeling a little stressed. I'm planning on living in Hamilton this summer to work, and have been blessed to find a pretty cheap house to sublet for the summer. My biggest concern, remains, finding a job so I can finance school this upcoming fall. Last week, I was having one of those stressin' days, and was eating lunch with my friend Joel in the caf. I was venting about how I didn't have a job, and I had no clue where/when I would ever hear back from any of the companies I had given a resume to. Joel, who is also looking for a job, completely changed my perspective by calmly saying," Hannah, if you never had to worry about anything, and if you always had everything you needed....why would you ever have to rely on God? Sometimes these things happen, so we HAVE to rely and trust in God...." My pride was shot....in a good way. Sometimes, I'm so positive that I can do everything all by myself, that I forget how often God reminds us in His word, that when we are weak, HE is strong. Sure, people could get by without relying on God.... it's completely possible and happens everyday, but then....where is humility in that? Where is submission, and weakness? The world we live in, does not condone weakness and submission as something to be admired.... but the God I serve sure does. His Bible exemplifies it, in SO many ways.... but yet, I ALWAYS forget time after time. 

Yesterday, I once again, was going crazy from my high stress level and anxiety. At work, Deanna and I were both talking about how we still didn't have a job, and how negatively that was affecting our peace of mind. I left work completely fixated on my own problems. Later that day, I was walking to Spanish class, and Deanna came walking down the hall. She started telling me about the human trafficking seminar she had just come from. She told me, "After hearing all that's going on in the sex trade, and how there are THOUSANDS of innocent children being sold as sex slaves....worrying about a job seems absolutely ridiculous." Once again, my perspective was modified. God wants us to come to him with everything that we're bogged down by, and we're also called to carry each others' burdens. I've been learning a lot of things this week, and knowing myself...I know I'm bound to keep worrying about lots of things, but I really am hoping it'll hit me soon that God wants to help....and I just need to remember to let Him. 

"Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father 
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come 
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need 
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive 
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window 
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune 
Or out of place
I look at the meadow 
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl 
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens 
Is now advancing
Invade my heart 
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens 
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself 
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Thankfulness.

It's crazy how long it's been since I've blogged. I've thought about blogging numerous times in these past three months, but as soon as I've sat down to write, something comes up and I end up forgetting. ANYWAYS. Today is the day, that I will write a blog. Just because. 

I've been feeling very thankful lately. Though I've been stressed about not being able to find a job in Ontario for May&June....I've came to the point where I am applying to as many places as I can and leaving the rest in God's hands. Easier said than done, but over-stressing and worrying about the situation is just not worth it. I've seen God provide in incredible ways in the past, and I know He can do it again :) Nothing is impossible with Jesus- that's why He is AMAZING. 

Anyways, I was talking to my friend Megan Alkema today about life, and people we're thankful for in our lives. I wanted to write this blog entry as a way to thank some of the friends in my life who have been such an incredible support and encouragement to me this past semester. Beginning with Megan....my inspiration :) 

Megan Alkema: Megan is my "new" friend. haha. I've known her since last year, but we didn't truly become "great" friends, until our trip to Amsterdam. From the very beginning, we hit it off like nobody's business. We have somewhat similar personalities, and we love doing the same things (wandering around Amsterdam with no real plan, going to cafes & the grocery store, a shared love for the prime minister of Holland (hahaha), an excitement in meeting new people and having fun, and a desire to live life 100%). Megan was a HUGE encouragement to me during the trip, and she truly made it extra special. Megan is the type of person who is ALWAYS down for an adventure, and she has such a happy-go-lucky positive outlook on life that it is extremely contagious. I'm so thankful for her friendship ! I can't wait to be fellow RA's next year :) :)

Myles Gardner: (my boyfriend) Myles, has been an incredible blessing to my life since the day that I met him. I have always admired his genuine care and interest in the people around him, and also his desire to take the time to do "little things" without gaining recognition for his actions.  The thought that comes to my mind time and time again, when I think about Myles, is thankfulness, and how I am so grateful that God has placed him in my life. His heart is so big, and filled with compassion and thoughtfulness. I know that God is going to do great thing with his life ! I'm excited to continue growing in our relationship with each other, and with God :) 

My dorm (33) : These girls have taught me SO much about myself this year, as well as what it is like to live in a community with a bunch of college aged girls. Each of them are so unique and special, and it is amazing to see how all of our relationships have changed for the positive since the time we first arrived in September until now. I am genuinely sad to part ways with them at the end of April, but I know that even though we won't be living in the same place, we will continue to grow our friendships in the years to come. VERY exciting :) 

Sam, Hilary, & Bre (my old Capernwray roommates) : Girls, I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for each of you. Even though we are scattered in places all around the world....we have still managed to keep in touch and support each other. So many things (hard and good) have happened over this past year, and it has been amazing how much we have been able to be there for each other. I know that whenever I see you girls next, it'll be JUST like old times. Some things never change, and I love that our friendship has endured because God is at the centre of it. THAT is ONE HUGGGGE thing that I have learned: deep friendships centred on God are the ones that last, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you. 

There are so many other people who have been a huge blessing in my life this year, and I sincerely thank each of you. Life is all about relationship; relationship with God and relationship with friends, families, and people we might not even know that well. Being able to encourage one another and carry each others' burdens, is so incredibly important, and a thing I want to continue to grow at and learn every day of my life.  :)